Wednesday, June 13, 2007

June 13, 2007

Incest and sexual abuse were not "bywords" back in 1969. The occurrences weren't brought out into the open and discussed. It was shoved under the rug and continued. Meanwhile, the pile under the rug got bigger and bigger. Who knew that nobody would really trip over it for another two generations? Who knew that we were, and that our own children would be, the casualties of that mountain under the rug? Did my mother have any idea? Or did she purposely and helplessly look the other way and pretend it wasn't happening right under her nose? Almost 40 years later, I don't harbor any anger toward my mother-how can I when my own daughter has just recently, and with only token help from me, put her offender in prison? I guess about all I feel is sadness that back then, no one understood the ramifications, some of which include the desire to just keep sweeping it under the rug.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

June 9, 2007

I remember the only reason I looked forward to turning 20 was so that I could say, "That was ten years ago." As if having it all ten years in the past was some sort of magic cure-all, I guess. I suppose when you are that young, ten years seems like a great distance from that point in time. It would make me twice as old as I was at the time. I would be an adult by then. But, upon turning 20 I realized that the distance back to that time was nothing. There was no magic disappearance of all that had happened. There was no magic cure from all the effects of sexual abuse, either past, present or future. I could still see back. I still can. 20 years. 30 years. Going on 40 years. And, the old saying, "History repeats itself." has proved to be too true.

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Iniquity of the Fathers

I have no idea when this "story" began, only that it begs to be told. I've tried to figure out when it started but it's just not possible and all I am reminded of is a verse in the 20th chapter of Genesis, "...For I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me..." The story is full of and is even about "bad", but, like the verse, it does not end there- it flows on,..."and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments." I think of the mercy that God has shown throughout all the time frame of this story and I am awestruck.

There is no way that this story can be told in its' entirety all at once. It's going to take some time, after all, it isn't even over with yet. It is my sincere hope that as you read, you too will come to a place where you simply have to acknowledge the mercy God has shown us. And when that happens, perhaps you will wonder, if He has done all this for us, what might He do for you? Because, you see, according to all the popular teachings and all the statistics, this should have destroyed us.